Sunday, January 22, 2006

The following are my last 3 posts from my blog on tribe.
Missy Barron, may she live on inside us all.

Goodbye to a Friend 1-12-06

Dear Missy,

Today I found out that you are gone. How can you be gone? I really just met you, but I feel your absence so deeply. How can this be affecting me so much, be so painful? You managed, in such a short period of time, to create a connection in my life. It is a connection not only to you, but to so many of the wonderful people that I have met through you. It is a connection to dancing, smiling, laughing, singing, hugging and feeling the joys in life on a daily basis. I feel so fortunate to have known and loved you, but at the same time I also feel so cheated that you were in my life for such a sort period of time.
Before we met, I saw you at many Butter shows. I remember watching you, this beautiful woman in the front with a long scarf that seemed to flow with her movements. You sang along with every word, dancing with friends, dancing alone, and always with a smile that said you were having the time of your life. I spotted you at the rail during a set break at the Harvest Meltdown, and I said to myself, “There’s that girl again, I have to meet her!” Your magic just drew me in. And when I went up and introduced myself to you, you gave me a hug as though you had been waiting to meet me too. Our brief, sweet friendship began.
There is something special about sharing a passion with someone, especially a passion you can express together and with others. Dancing and singing with you at shows has been a highlight of my fall and winter. Thank you so much for coming into my life and sharing so many joyful times. I am in shock at losing you, and know I will be feeling this way for a while. All I can think is that my tribute to you will be to continue to find the joy in every corner of life, as you did, and to stay connected to that family of friends that we have. I know somewhere you are dancing with Lili, that beautiful smile on your face.

Lucky Charms 11-29-05

The sounds of construction from the lot next door drove me out of bed far earlier than necessary. The snow had turned to rain overnight, eliminating chances for the forecasted 3 feet we were hoping to get. I wasn’t sure what this would mean for my run. I prefer running with cold dry snow falling, rather than cold wet rain.
The heat from my coffee and the roaring fire kept me from putting my running clothes on right away. The street out the window looked like it was laden with several inches of slush. It was destined to be a morning with wet feet. I sighed loudly, and, coffee still in hand, went upstairs to find appropriate cold weather clothing.
Splashing along the road around Donner Lake, I pulled my baseball cap low to keep the rain from stinging my eyes. The snow on the shoulder of the road had actually melted back enough that I could run there. With the ski resorts still unopened, the traffic on the road was light, and I was only splashed by a few passing cars. I glanced up to check for approaching cars, and saw the rainbow. I smiled. In spite of the rain, I raised the brim on my hat. I let the rain pelt my face and pushed ahead into the fierce headwind. Whitecaps rolled across the lake, and I continued, doggedly in the opposite direction.
In truth, conditions were considerably better than expected. Two miles in, and my feet were still dry. On further consideration, I decided not to go all the way around the lake, because there would be two miles of unplowed road on the other side. I added an extension up old highway 40, to make the run 6 miles. At the turnaround I cruised the downhill until I reached the lake again, stretching out my stride to release some of the tension in my hamstrings. The last two miles the wind was at my back.

Running The Hurdles 11-18-05

I have made a commitment that I am trying very hard to break at the moment. You might think I would be trying very hard to keep a commitment, as would I, but all of my actions seem to indicate otherwise. You see, I need to run 12 miles today. Well, I have a huge list of things I must get done today, but running 12 miles is the commitment part of the equation. Instead of taking care of life, (laundry, clean the house, walk the dog, pack for trip…) so that I can have time to run my 12 miles, I am drinking coffee and writing.
Truly I think drinking coffee and writing are more important than doing laundry, but it is the mountain of laundry and not the unwritten words, that will keep the run from happening.
That’s not really true either. It is my rationalizations of my need to do laundry that will keep me from running. And who really needs to do laundry? Sure, we all need to have laundry done, but the actual doing of it is no where close to a requirement for human function.
What is it about a commitment to yourself, rather than to someone else, that makes it so easy to break? I feel selfish putting my run ahead of stupid things like cleaning the house because that is something that I am doing for myself and my husband. Running is only for me. But then, running is me.
The commitment of which I speak, is my decision to run the American River 50, a 50 mile running race along the American River from Sacramento to Auburn. Farther that I have run at one time by almost 20 miles, this one is monumental for me. This one will require consistent training. There can be no skipping workouts due to weather, work or other life duties. When snow blankets the ground, as it soon will, I will be driving down the hill to get in my long trail runs. I will be missing ski days with my friends. I will certainly be feeling sorry for myself. But don’t feel sorry for me. Be excited for me. I am on an adventure of uncharted territory for myself. Gotta run.

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